The New Guard
by Michael Bard and Cubist
©2001 Michael Bard and Cubist -- all rights reserved
TSAT is dead... long live TSAT!
Greetings! We, Michael Bard and Quentin 'Cubist' Long, are the insidious pair of living oxymorons who are going to remake TSAT in our image. Bard may be Canadian, but he is as thoroughly Evil as they come --
-- and as for Long, he's a Californian who doesn't surf and thinks "New Age" rhymes with "sewage".
Our goal for TSAT is pretty much the same as that of l'ancien regime -- we want to bring you the best in TF fiction -- but we may not follow the same route in getting there. For example, one of the things we're planning for the "new" TSAT is to present gems from the past, TF tales which currently languish in undeserved obscurity, tales from the beginning of fantastic literature itself! Another thing is that both Bard and Long have a fair degree of technical savvy, which we shall ruthlessly exploit to implement a number of behind-the-scenes changes which should hopefully make life easier for TSAT's loyal readers. Repeat after me, children: "Java bad, HTML good."
But regardless of what does change -- and what would a TF-related zine be without change? -- some things will stay the same. Phil Geusz will retain his column, and just like the old crew, we will make space for any actual stories Phil, or anybody else, chooses to send our way.
Now, all we need is for you (that's right, you) to write your fiction and submit it to us. We don't care if you're big, tall, short, fat, pathological pacifist or Spotsylvanian sleeper agent; we don't care if you write in English (Queen's or American), Spanish, or Esperanto. Whatever you've got, we'll take it and help you make it beautiful. In a very real (albeit not legally binding) sense, our fate is in your hands! Of course we know this, neither of us being a drooling idiot. Therefore, please note that we do have your address, telephone number, and the password to that Hotmail account your mother would die from shame if she ever knew about it. Also the addresses and telephone numbers of your parents, your grandparents, aunts, uncles, in-laws, second cousins thrice removed, and even distant animal relations. We know where you live. Furthermore, we will take ruthless advantage of our illicitly-obtained data until you submit your stories to TSAT's new overlords.
This is your only warning.
I don't know about you folks, but I'd take them seriously. Get those stories and articles in before it's too late. You have been warned.