by The Phantom Websurfer
©2001 Bard/Cubist -- all rights reserved
Two more links which should be of interest to the readers of TSAT.
The keys to the (vegetable) kingdom
Your car ran out of gas on the way to work. Once you got there (late again!), you had a hard time dealing with the usual gang of idiots. E-mail from your lawyer says you're being sued for five times your net worth. Your Significant Other is having an affair with the neighbor's toy schnauzer.
In sum, you are not a happy camper.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if you could become something which just doesn't care about any of that nonsense? Something that can laugh at lawyers and blow off congenital morons with imperturbable aplomb?
Something like, say... a cabbage?
If any part of the above scenario had you nodding in sympathy and agreement, we cordially invite you to visit the aptly named The Page That Turns You Into A Cabbage. It offers an enticing selection of target forms, including plain old cabbage, Chinese cabbage, purple cabbage, and cauliflower -- even Brussels sprouts. It's got an "anti-convertor" which restores you to your former (animal) mode of existence without error. It's got downloads that can turn you into a cabbage (and back again) even when you don't have access to the Net. Best of all, its built-in transformative technology should be compatible with most (if not all) browsers!
You really do owe it to yourself to visit The Page That Turns You Into a Cabbage (which is not to be confused with pages of analogous content that turn you into a chicken, burrito, alternate universe, etc etc etc).
The best of the worst
The greatest thing about the World Wide Web is that it gives a platform to millions upon millions of people around the world, people whose voices would otherwise not have been heard outside their immediate circle of friends, let alone by an audience of potentially global scale. The nastiest thing about the World Wide Web is that it gives a platform to millions upon millions of people around the world, people whose voices would otherwise not have been heard outside their immediate circle of friends, let alone by an audience of potentially global scale.
As evidence to support the latter contention: Godawful Fan Fiction. That phrase isn't just a trenchantly pejorative description of a particular breed of really bad crap; it's also a website whose name gets top honors for 'truth in labeling'.
Now, if you happen to like a TV show, or series of novels, or whatever else, there's nothing wrong with that. And likewise, there's nothing wrong with writing fan fiction, i.e. creating new stories about characters and situations from the thing you like. Trouble is, Sturgeon's Law -- "90% of everything is shit" -- applies to fan fiction at least as much as it does everything else. Maybe even more so. For there are certain writers of fan fiction who (if one can judge from their output) are not just ignorant of, but openly hostile to, such bourgeois fripperies as coherent plot lines; characters with motivations other than "I'm the author, and I said so"; comprehensible phraseology; correct spelling; and proper grammar.
It is these hardy souls, who bravely do not allow their voices to be stilled by their utter lack of any discernable trace of talent and/or ability, that have made Godawful Fan Fiction both possible and necessary. It is these "authors" who transform the object of their veneration into a pestilential thing of loathing and opprobrium, and it is their stories which Godawful Fan Fiction transforms into items of harmless (if, sometimes, nausea-inducing) merriment.
Abandon all taste, ye who enter the world of Godawful Fan Fiction.
If you know of any sites whose subject matter renders them suitable for presentation in TSAT, send us the URL!