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Bad Craziness, Man
by The Phantom Websurfer
©2002 Bard and Cubist -- all rights reserved

There are times when you have to wonder about people's sanity. This is obviously true in the case of a person who wears aluminum foil hats to shield his brain from evil mind control rays emitted by the Trilateral Commission's black helicopters; naturally, there are plenty of less-blatant examples of brain dysfunction. There's the old lady who lives alone in an apartment with 139 cats... the guy whose life is perfectly normal, except for the one night a week he spends working out the ramifications of his theory that Time is actually an organic substance, not unlike Camembert cheese... and there are people like them what are responsible for the weirdness in this issue's featured links.

Four legs, one badge

Wolfling's Den is a site that scores fairly high on the "what was this guy thinking?" scale. It's a Net archive of one man's slash fan-fiction (much of it in collaboration with one specific coauthor), but that's not the bizarre part. As fan-fiction is typically focused around media properties such as TV shows or movies, it's not the collections of Star Wars slash or The Sentinel slash that inspire cries of "say what?". The collection of Houston Knights slash has a certain degree of intrinsic oddness in that Houston Knights was an obscure cop show which lasted for a total of 31 episodes in 1987-8, but even that, while perhaps a trifle nonstandard, is nonetheless fully comprehensible.

No... the true, quintessential weirdness of this site, the core of its Platonic bizarritude, is that anyone could have looked at a completely, utterly, irredeemably mundane TV program like Houston Knights, and said to themselves, "You know, what this series really needs is for Lundy to be a centaur whom LaFiamma has a physically satisfying relationship with!"

We are not making this up. Doubt if you must, but the truth is out there, and it can be seen at Wolfling's Den.

Be afraid. Be very, very, very afraid

Over the past few years, there's been a curious trend in the mass media. To wit: Dead, decades-old crap gets disinterred and revived as big-budget movies. The various Star Trek films don't count, since Trek's popularity has always been great enough that one could never really consider it dead, but the same cannot be said for such properties as Charlie's Angels; My Favorite Martian; Wild, Wild West; Lost in Space; or Mission: Impossible (twice, yet!). With those movies as track record, surely it's only a matter of time before some producer gets the bright idea of doing a My Mother the Car feature film, perhaps rebuilding the franchise with elements stolen from Knight Rider...

Interestingly, old TV shows aren't the only beneficiaries of this trend; the Batman, Men In Black, and Josie and the Pussycats films are all based on comic books, and Scooby-Doo is, of course, adapted from a cartoon. And...

You're way ahead of us here. Yes, there's another cartoon being considered for production as a live-action film, and yes, this particular cartoon is a steaming pile of meat by-product. Remember Super Friends? Remember that bloody moronic pair of teenaged sidekicks (and I don't mean Marvin and Wendy)?

That's right: A live-action version of... Zan and Jayna, aka the Wonder Twins. Meat by-product indeed! And no, we are not making this up.

Fortunately, this atrocity-in-the-making doesn't yet (as of this writing) have even so much as a script to call its own. But if God allows this travesty to come to pass, brethren, we may yet hear the immortal phrases "Form of [insert animal here]!" and "Shape of [insert water-based phenomenon here]!" echoing from multiplex cinemas all over the world.

We strongly advise you not to operate heavy machinery while visiting this site, nor for three hours after quitting it.

If you know of any sites whose subject matter renders them suitable for inclusion in TSAT, send us the URL!

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