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What's Your TFIQ?
by Oren the Otter
©2003 Oren the Otter -- all rights reserved

Hello, readers!

Recently, I had the occasion to take an IQ test. Unfortunately, the results were a little disappointing. Instead of achieving a rating of "supergenius", I was only able to score "abnormally bright". Naturally, the explanation is obvious: There's something wrong with the test. As you can probably guess, the test was culturally biased, and not designed for people who have turned into animals.

Thus, I have designed my own IQ test, specifically for transformees and weres. Set your timers to dinnertime and answer all questions either A, B, C, D or "woof".

1) When is dinner?
A) 5:00
B) Every third day
C) As often as possible
D) Gimme!
2) What is the thickest form of chitin?
A) Hooves
B) A carapace
C) Rhino horns
D) A movie critic's head
3) How many sexes are there in an ideal world?
A) One
B) Two
C) Seven
D) As many as it takes
4) Dave the wizard is running in a horse race. halfway through, his spell wears off and he returns to human form. What should he do?
A) Try to find some clothes
B) Renew the spell as quickly as possible
C) Curse all the other horses and turn them into humans so that it looks normal
D) Turn the jockey into a horse and tell the press that they'd been planning to change places all along so that they wouldn't be tired
5) Which of these does not belong?
A) Cat
B) Dog
C) Electric blue chupacabra
D) Bunny
6) Man is to ewe as woman is to:
A) Ram
B) Vixen
C) Mutton
D) Ploogie!
7) A man who's recently been turned into a cat is chasing a mouse. If he is running at 5 feet per second and the mouse is running at four feet per second with a ten yard head start, how soon will the mouse be caught and eaten?
A) Ten seconds
B) Twenty seconds
C) Thirty seconds
D) Several days while he screws up the courage to eat the thing
8) Which of these is most likely a transformee?
A) The talking squirrel
B) The naked man drinking out of the toilet
C) The girl with the huge bushy tail
D) The big green guy negotiating a new movie deal
9) Which of these is not an appropriate form of courtship?
A) Candy and flowers
B) Hooting loudly and throwing leaves
C) Passing on your curse through biting
D) Eating your intended
10) Wolf is to Loup Garou as Otter is to:
A) Kushtaka
B) Selkie
C) Draconian
D) Loop-de-loop

Answers: C,C,D,B,C,A,D,C,D,A
...but not necessarily in that order.

9-10 correct: You're a TF master!
7-8 correct: Pretty good. Go buy a pin that says "TF expert".
5-6 correct: Average theriomorph.
3-4 correct: TF moron. I highly recommend a remedial course of TF videos including Big, The Shaggy Dog and Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde.
1-2 correct: TF idiot. But don't despair. Go get yourself a magic necklace immediately and there might be hope.

Until next time, this is Oren Otter reminding you to love your neighbor. Don't eat him.

Oren the Otter, Ottercomics

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