[tsat home] [#43] [columns]
Save Big on Chocolate Crucifixes!
by The Phantom Websurfer
©2005 Bard and Cubist -- all rights reserved

Have you heard about the latest atheistic assault on religion? Some stores have swapped slogans in their post-Thanksgiving ad campaigns, using 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'. Yes, Virginia, that is the intolerable, heinous, unforgivable offense over which Christendom's lunatic fringe is currently working itself into a frothy lather. That is what some self-identifying Christians in the USA consider evidence of what they are pleased to describe as a 'war on Christianity'. This is particularly interesting because there have been times and places when the celebration of Christmas really was actively suppressed, by law and custom -- and it was Christians who did the suppressing! For instance: Back in America's Colonial days, such fine, upstanding Christians as our Pilgrim fathers strongly disapproved of the whole Christmas deal... and they may have had a point.

The links we highlight in this issue are illustrative of what might be called the dark side of Christmas.

Crown of thorns, or crown of holly?

Just because the poor guy's been nailed to a couple pieces of wood, does that mean he has to be so... so... unfashionable? Of course not! The creator of the Jesus Dress-Up website doubtless thinks that the Son of God would agree that an extended period of excruciating agony is no excuse for looking like some shabby tramp. Well, He'd agree after He wipes the blood out of His eyes, anyway...

What this thing is: It's a digital paper doll of You-Know-Who on the you-know-what, complete with a remarkable variety of costumes and clothing you can try out on Him (Santa Claus, Nutcracker, Grinch, Elf, etc). Not for the ecclesiastically correct.

Surf the web and dress Jesus up!

A lump of coal for Lucas, G.

It's always sad to see a once-promising artist go off the rails. Whether they've sold out, embraced some bizarre cult, just stopped producing good material, or whatever else, you can only shake your head in dismay when you compare That Which Was to That Which Is. It's happened to Dave Sim, whose accomplishments in the field of comic art may well be overshadowed by his uber-flaky misogynism; it's happened to Gene Roddenberry, who started believing his own press releases sometime before Next Generation; and it's happening to George Lucas, who seems to have outsourced his past films' re-editing to the Ministry of Truth, and whose movies are increasingly becoming exercises in product placement for his various trademarks.

In the case of Mr. Lucas, it must be admitted that there were early indications of the horror to come, had we but recognized them... those dratted Ewoks, for instance, were a big clue. Another clue: Christmas in the Stars, an album of alleged music which features all your favorite Star Wars characters. And the lead singer of Bon Jovi -- who was 18 at the time, and can therefore be excused on account of his youth. This album features mass quantities of robotic R2D2 bleepy-noises; C3P0 reciting 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with plenty of Star Wars-y sound effects; R2 whistle/bleeping Sleigh Ride; and a variety of other tunes of like quality, including the inestimable What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)?

Go here for more information regarding this unique aural artifact.

If you know of any sites whose subject matter renders them suitable for inclusion in TSAT, send us the URL!

[tsat home] [#43] [columns]