by Erastus Centaur
©2004 Erastus Centaur -- all rights reserved
"Any particular brand? We have our own microbrew and can offer pale ale, red, and stout."
"I could do with stout right now."
"That'll be four-twenty-five."
"Can you start a tab?"
"Is this place always this empty?"
"Nah. Only on the nights of big games. And I refuse to buy a TV. Kinda spoils what I think a bar is for."
"That's why I chose this place this evening."
"I would have thought you'd be a sports fan."
"I am... just not tonight."
"How'd you guess?"
"Always is when a man looks that miserable. Wanna tell me about it?"
"She's a beauty. Finest, most beautiful woman I've ever seen."
"My heart burns for her. From the moment I saw her I knew I had to jump her bones. She makes my --"
"I get the picture."
"No, no. I was going to say, she makes my head spin."
"But what you were thinking was something else entirely."
"She turned me down."
"Not only turned me down but said I wasn't man enough for her, that there'd be no way I could satisfy her."
"Like a kick to the --"
"So forget her. Move on to the next beauty."
"Oh, man. Like I could."
"Yeah. I've never seen such a beauty. Perfect physique, golden hair that cascades, creamy skin, a smile that dazzles, and she's even close to my height. If she's a ten, no other woman has ever rated higher than a three."
"She really has her hooks in you."
"Deep. And she refuses to reel me in. Not that it would take any effort on her part. All she would have to do is bat those green eyes at me and I'm there."
"So now what?"
"I wish I knew. I wish I could get her to change her mind."
"Oh, yeah. Flowers. Chocolates -- Godiva, even, not any of the cheap stuff. A book of poetry about love."
"And you know squat about poetry."
"Had to ask a librarian for recommendations. I even suggested romantic dinners and vacations. Hawaii. Paris. Virgin Islands, though neither of us would qualify."
"Take her to a chick flick?"
"I offered to rent Four Weddings and a Funeral or Sense and Sensibility."
"She slammed the door in my face."
"Oh, man. What I wouldn't give to have just one night with her."
"Be careful with a comment like that."
"Just one night."
"And then what? Live with regret the rest of your life that there was never a second night? Get a foot into heaven and be thrown out? That's worse than never knowing heaven in the first place! Or do you plan to kill yourself the next morning?"
"I'd die happy."
"What if she's absolutely no good in bed?"
"From the dynamo I've seen so far, I don't think that's possible."
"You never know."
"Even if she was as unresponsive as a rag doll, with a body like that it wouldn't make any difference to me. The experience would be so over the top anyway."
"She could be into whips and chains."
"I'd bear the scars proudly."
"Would you really be willing to give up everything -- even your life -- for one night with this woman? Does she torment you that much?"
"Mmm... Yeah... I think so."
"Your life means that little to you?"
"Two weeks ago I would have said no. Now that I've met her, I can't stand the thought of not having a night with her."
"I could recommend a good therapist. Help you get over her. Maybe even a hypnotist. Make you forget."
"I don't want to forget her. I want her!"
"Hmm. 'Nother stout?"
"Let's try the pale this time."
"Are you willing to go into why she finds you so inadequate?"
"She demands that her partner be well hung. Seems that's the only way she'll be satisfied. Something about her pleasure center being a little deeper than most. Since she can have her pick of partners, she doesn't want to waste time with someone who won't satisfy her."
"If she's had that many partners, she's likely full of diseases."
"I'm willing to take my chances. Even skin to skin."
"It's amazing how much spam I get about 'penis enlargement'. I got them before I met her, but jeez, now that it's on my mind, my computer is flooded with 'em."
"Even my wife gets those. And she doesn't even have one."
"They're all a crock."
"Yeah. Glad to hear you think so. Me? I think there's a conspiracy. Only someone really dumb would fall for those things. But I figure these pills are really poison. Raise the average intelligence of the world real quick."
"Hee, hee! I've heard a lot of tall tales from fellow barflies, but rarely from the 'tender. That's a good one."
"How tall are you? Six-two?"
"Six-four. Long legs."
"You play basketball?"
"Actually, my sport was track. The legs really helped."
"Someone of your height should be well endowed."
"I am. If the stats I've read are true, mine is much longer than average."
"The stats can't be true. If they're measuring corpses, there's no way it's erect. If they're taking a poll, every guy, worldwide, is gonna report he's longer than he really is."
"Heh! You got that right. Which means I'm even longer than the declared average. Not that it does me any good. I'm not big enough for her, which is all that matters at the moment."
"S'pose that's true... So you really meant it? You'd willingly give up everything for one night with her?"
"My dad used to say that I never had as much sense as God gave a horse. Even so, yeah. The way I feel now, I'd give it all up. Not that I actually could..."
"Seein' as you've been drinking pretty regular during our conversation, perhaps you'd be interested in a new concoction I've made up. On the house."
"Sure. Why not. Nothing better to do tonight, seein' as she's not here. What's in it?"
"Oh. Yeah. Might as well."
"Here ya go."
"Aaaack! What is this stuff? Strong enough to take the paint off the wall. Or as my father used to say, put hair on your chest."
"That it will."
"Got a name for this poison? I want to be sure I never order it myself."
"I call it Pegasus. Brings out the stallion in you."
"You're cruel. I've been yammering about how I can't use my joystick and you slip me a super Viagra!"
"Easy now. It's just a marketing slogan."
"Real cute. Perhaps I should try the red to take the taste out of my mouth."
"That bad? Hmm. I better rework the recipe."
"Were you ever infatuated with a woman?"
"I'm gay. And the only man I've been infatuated with is now my partner."
"Maybe if I tried a man, I could get this woman out of my mind."
"Wouldn't work. If you're that crazy about her, trying a man would only be an empty exercise. I always had that problem with women."
"It's getting late and I do have to work tomorrow. Do you take credit cards?"
"Sure. Can I call a cab for you?"
"Nah. Three beers is nothing for a guy as big as me."
"Suit yourself... Sign here... And come back sometime, let me know how things work out for you."
"What did you do?"
"Strange things are happening. Really strange."
"Well, before I can determine whether I did it, you'll have to be more specific than that."
"Let's see. I was last here on Wednesday, a week ago. It was Friday morning when I noticed it. But it would have been impossible not to notice! I woke up with the most intense woody I've ever had. And you said there was no Viagra involved!"
"Viagra would have worn off by Friday morning."
"Whatever it was, it was potent. I could see that it was longer than before by at least three inches! I'm sure it was thicker, too. I had to be careful getting dressed, especially since it tended to slide under the waistband of my briefs. Even though it was mighty pleasurable, it was definitely a distraction at the office."
"As soon as I could get off work in the early evening, I took a chance. I picked up some takeout Chinese and hurried over to her house -- that woman I was telling you about."
"Yeah. I remember."
"Well, she almost slammed the door in my face but then notice my lusty smile. Her gaze dropped and she soon had a big smile of her own. I barely had time to set down the fried rice as she dragged me into the bedroom."
"I'm sure 'lusty smile' was the right expression. Kinda like what's on your face right now. And?"
"It was fabulous! Ten times better than I had ever hoped it would be. And my capacity has never been this great, even when I was a teenager. The fried rice was cold by the time we took a break to gobble it down and neither one of us got any sleep before daybreak. I spent the entire weekend in her bedroom. She was as sure as I was that by Sunday afternoon it had grown another few inches. I had to buy some whities that weren't so tightie to make room for it all. I've never had such an encounter so intense nor last so long. It definitely brought out my inner stallion."
"From the way you said that, it sounds like there's more to the story."
"There sure is. Sunday morning she commented that I had a wonderful amount of chest hair and she wondered why she hadn't noticed it before."
"Musta been hard to see with the lights off."
"But not to feel. She hadn't noticed because it wasn't there before. I'd been relieved when fashions in the Nineties emphasized the smooth chest, and now mine was hairier than most."
"That a problem?"
"That wasn't, but when we stopped for lunch on Sunday she commented about my hairy ears. My ears had not been this hairy! See? They're even worse now!"
"It all depends on whether she likes hairy ears."
"They're not exactly a turn-on for her. The worst moment was on Sunday evening when she found my stubby tail."
"And you hadn't had one before."
"Hell no! But that did it. She kicked me out. Said that while she liked my assets, tails were a turn-off and I shouldn't bother coming back until it was gone."
"So is it gone?"
"Would I be able to sit here like this if it had been surgically removed? Though trying not to sit on it isn't exactly comfortable. So what'd you do to me?"
"Don't play innocent. Humans don't suddenly start sprouting body hair after the age of twenty and don't sprout tails at all. The only thing I've done differently in the last few weeks is to visit you. And the only thing strange about that visit is the horrible tasting drink you gave me. So what's going on?"
"I gave you your wish, fulfilled your wildest fantasy."
"But that doesn't explain the ears or the tail."
"Well, to fulfill your fantasy I had to start the process of turning you into a horse."
"What? A horse? That's impossible!"
"So you had a tail before Sunday?"
"Now, now. None of that. Did I or did I not make your wildest fantasy possible?"
"You did -- but if I'd known you were going to turn me into a horse..."
"You said you'd give anything."
"Yeah, but I meant money, not my humanity!"
"Well, you should've said so. If you'll recall, I tried to talk you out of it and I even asked twice! Besides, you got a lot more than what you asked for. You asked for one night, twelve hours. By my count, you got in more than forty hours and it sounds like you were putting your fantasy to work for nearly all of those forty hours. I think I held up my end quite well. You have no grounds for complaint."
"No grounds -- I'm turning into a friggin' horse! Wish I had a gun right now. Blow your brains out!"
"If you do, you'll never get the antidote."
"Antidote? Come on, man! Hand it over!"
"Actually, I don't have one. Never bothered to develop it. Even if I start now, I figure it will take a year or two. Kill me now and I'll never have a chance to make it."
"You better get started then!"
"Oh, I don't know. You might like it as a horse."
"Jerrod and Tom would disagree with you."
"You've done this before?"
"You're the third. They came in here with wishes similar to yours."
"The curse of women!"
"So no matter what you try to do to me, you're still gonna turn into a horse. You might want to get your affairs in order."
"How long do I have?"
"You'll have use of your hands for another month, but you won't want to be seen in public in about a week."
"No hands -- wonderful. Will I even be able to think?"
"Oh, yeah. You'll keep your brain and vocal cords, though if you don't talk, no one will know you aren't a real horse."
"One weekend with a woman and my life is ruined!"
"Your life was already ruined, unless you were lying about her."
"So... what do I do now?"
"I'd like to make an offer. I'll put you up with Jerrod and Tom on my farm. You'll have internet and TV access to keep your mind occupied and you'll have plenty of food. All your needs will be taken care of. Since you'll be a Thoroughbred, I'll be glad to enter you into races."
"You got it. What other breed for a track star, hm? I promise to use your winnings for your benefit. I could even use all your current assets the same way."
"Yeah, right. As if I could trust you!"
"Suit yourself, but you don't have many other options. You could show up at a stable, but you would likely be bored being cooped up with actual horses and your owners won't talk politics with you. You could join a circus but I suspect you'll soon have scientists poking and prodding you constantly."
"I don't want to be a freak on display."
"I can offer one additional benefit."
"Stud service. You're going to be a top quality specimen. Tom says if you liked it with a woman, you'll love it with a mare."
"For a stallion? Mister, your sexual preferences are going to change radically. But you don't have to decide tonight. Come out to my farm, have a talk with Tom and Jerrod, look the place over. I even have a copy of the financial agreement I made with Jerrod. We can work out something similar."
"But once I'm a horse, it can't be enforced. You could take all my money and sell me for glue."
"You can confirm with Jerrod that I haven't broken it yet. I am an honorable man."
"You keep forgetting you got exactly what you asked for and even enjoyed what you got."
"What do you get out of this little prank?"
"Let's just say I like horses."