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Good day, Ma'am! May I have a moment of your time? I represent Mystical MacGuffins™; we've just started operations in this territory, and we're --

Yes, Ma'am. I know you've never seen a centaur before; as I said, we're new in this area. We offer a full line of Amulets, Cantrips, Gramaryes, Incantations, Lotions, Potions, Spells and Wards for all your Magickal needs. All our items are fully guaranteed to be Safe and Effective; no unwanted side effects, or your money will be cheerfully refunded! Would you care for a copy of our catalog?

No? Well, allow me to present you with a complimentary packet of our new Brownie Batch™ Mix. Simply water the little figurines; and at midnight they become a team of friendly, helpful Brownies who'll have your home Sparkling Clean and Shipshape by morning! They then vanish in a mist of Forest-Fresh Potpourri... And from what I see, you could definitely use --

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Hello, Sir?

No, Sir: I'm not with any religious or political group. I have the honor to represent Mystical MacGuffins™, the world's leading supplier of Magickal requisites and novelties --

Oh, sorry about your dog, Sir: I had to do that in self-defense. Don't worry: he's quite unharmed, and he'll only be a puppy for an hour or two; then he'll be as right as rain. Yes, for a person who has to travel in unfamiliar neighborhoods, our patented PupGun™ is a literal lifesaver! If you're on the road, and a hostile, slavering beast --

Your ex-wife, Sir? Very witty: but I'm afraid the PupGun™ only works on non-humans... Would you like our catalog?

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Good day, Ma'am! How are you and your family this fine day?

Yes, Ma'am, I noticed the tricycle on the lawn; pity I didn't see the roller skate in the driveway as well... No, I'm fine, thank you: no major damage done. Allow me to introduce myself: I'm a traveling representative for Mystical MacGuffins™; and I wonder if you would like to see some samples of our products...

Something to help with the children perhaps, Ma'am? We just happen to carry the full line of Nannymorphs™ plush toys/babysitters. I have one in my saddlebag... This is "Delbert Dragon": when invoked, he comes to life; and can provide hours of entertainment and responsible supervision. He has a vast repertoire of bedtime stories -- all original! -- and he only requires a bottle of hot sauce now and then --

No, Ma'am, that isn't smoke coming out of his nostrils, just steam. Completely non-toxic: makes an excellent humidifier! He's also machine washable, and he's fully guaranteed for five years: only $39.95! We also have "Harold Hippogriff", "Eudora Unicorn", "Maximilian Manticore" and many other --

Oh, hello, young lady! And you too, lad..! Oh, I'm sorry: I'm not allowed to give rides during working hours... Um, could you please ask him not to pull my tail? It's very uncomfortable --

Please, Ma'am: I didn't mean to kick out like that; it's just a reflex. He's not hurt...

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Good day, Sir... or Ma'am...

Yes, that is a very nice dress...

I'm traveling for Mystical MacGuffins™; and I'm sure we have some items that might interest you. Perhaps our Femina Fragrances™ Collection? One dab behind each ear, and you'll be exciting, alluring and completely functional for twenty-four hours! We have "Goddess", "Dusky Diva", "Girl Next Door" and "Bimbo". I should warn you, however, that "Bimbo" does tend to affect the intelligence...

Oh, thank you! You look very... passable... yourself.

What? No, sorry: not while I'm on the job. Besides, I'm not really into dressage...

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Hello! I'm --

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Good afternoon, Sir! I represent Mystical MacGuffins™: the purveyor of the world's finest Magickal supplies...

Where have I been all your life? Good question: Well, we're new in this area... Our motto is: "If You Can't Find The Magick, We Bring The Magick To You!" Why waste your time rummaging around flea markets, estate sales and disreputable curio shoppes, looking for that elusive MacGuffin, when our corporation can deliver it to you quickly and reliably at an unbeatable price? Say you need a Rejuvenation Spell for that all-important interview? Or a few gallons of House Beautiful™ All-Weather Paint to transform your shack into a palace? We have them all right here in the catalog! Take one: they're free...

Why, thank you, Sir: I would be glad to talk with you over some refreshments. Just a pitcher of water for me; and if you happen to have any rolled oats in the cupboard... Perhaps, considering the size of your cottage, we had better continue our conversation on the patio...

There: that's more comfortable. As I was saying, we offer the widest variety of Magickal Objects available in all price ranges...

Pardon, Sir: Was I always a centaur? No, not until I joined the company about a hundred and fifty years ago. They generally require employees to morph when signing up...

You say you're interested in joining? Well, we're always on the lookout for motivated workers. I do have some application forms in my saddlebags...

You'd like to be a dragon? Certainly, Sir. Of course, you'll have to be a smallish one... And you won't be able to breathe fire: that's against Safety Regulations. I can't guarantee you a field job just yet; but you can work your way up from the Packing Department. You won't regret it, Sir: we have an excellent health benefits package; and you can keep your morph upon retirement, should you so wish. Just sign here... and here... and here... and your thumbprint here...

Now, Sir, your morph...

May I say, Mr. -- Myron? Of course: Welcome aboard, Myron! You certainly have excellent taste in morphs: your scale coloration is superb... No, don't try your wings out right now; there's one more formality we have to finish up. Just a mark here, and your human history will be erased from this area; we don't like to leave any "unexplained disappearances" to confuse the locals... No, Myron: I said don't take off just yet: we still --

Myron?

Myron?

Sir?

Damn: there goes my bonus...