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by Oren the Otter
©2000 Oren the Otter -- all rights reserved

As everyone knows, it's the post-Christmas season, the time of year when money is tight and bosses' purse strings are tighter. As for myself, I've been forced to take a second job, besides working here at TSAT... and besides writing The Changing Workplace... and besides running the Virtual Furry World... all right, so maybe it's a fourth or fifth job. The point is, I'm doing it.

And where, you ask, is the otter working? I've gotten myself a job at (name omitted for legal reasons), a fast-food restaurant which caters to customers who have Stein's Chronic Accelerated Bio-morphic Syndrome. While the job can sometimes be arduous and boring, there are moments when it's just too funny to keep a straight face. I'd like to share with you a few of the snippets I have heard since my hire date.

Image source: Unknown
"Excuse me, this mouse is dead."

"Yes, Ma'am. We only serve them dead."

"That's no good. My husband can't see food that isn't moving."

Image source: Unknown
"I'll have a fish sandwich and that guy working the fry vat."

Image source: Billy Bear For Kids
"What do you have for raccoons?"

"Well, there's several..."

"Never mind, I just found the garbage."

Image source: Alan Bryer at Nutrocker
"How much for the salad bar?"

"That's a plastic plant."

Image source: Unknown
"Would you like a girl toy or a boy toy in your kid's meal?"

"Um... do you have anything that changes back and forth?"

Image source: Worldprints.com
"Is there a discount for children?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Is there a discount for senior citizens?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Do I qualify for both?"

Image source: Fins 'N' Fur Pet Supplies
"Anything for your wife, Sir?"

"That's not my wife. That's my seeing-eye dog!"

Image source: Unknown
"Jay, this is the last time I'm telling you, do not wash the dishes with your tongue!"

Image source: Billy Bear For Kids
"I'd like thirty-two cheeseburgers and a diet cola. I'm watching my figure."

In closing, I'd like to say: Aren't you glad I didn't write about the Y2K bug? After all, I am writing this on my computer, around midnight of December 31, and as yet, there hasn't b -- (transmission ends)


EDITOR'S NOTE: We apologize for the abrupt ending of this column but this is the way we received it. Our efforts to contact Mr. Otter for the remainder of this column have been less than successful. We only get a human voice answering the telephone asking us about "fries with our meal" and answering to the name of Eric. If anyone has knowledge about the whereabouts of Oren the Otter, please e-mail us immediately. Oren has a company computer on loan and we want it back.

Luckily -- or unluckily, depending upon your point of view -- just about none of the above is true. Oren is not really missing and he does not owe TSAT a loaner computer. Of course, we do pay pretty poorly so Oren has been working at other jobs. If you're wondering where this fast-food restaurant is located, maybe you should click on his name at the top of this story and send him an e-mail?

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