[tsat home] [#8] [columns]

by Andy Hollis
©2000 Adirondack WYSIWYG -- all rights reserved

With permission (and quite a bit of behind-the-scenes help -- heck, he durn near wrote it) from Bill Hart, creator of the Spells 'R' Us (SRU) story universe -- an interview with the SRU wizard.

Andy Why doesn't anyone call you anything but "the old man" or "wizard?"
The Old Man Because I am a wizard, as well as an old man. I'm just not as young as I appear to be. Besides, if you had the name my parents saddled me with, you wouldn't ask the question.
Andy Our business office requests that we ask you how you clear a profit?
The Old Man I assume they mean a monetary profit. That's the term business offices generally think in with respect to profit. But not all profit should be equated to money. In my mind, it's an over-rated concept. If money were my sole concern, I doubt I'd break even. But there is always some profit of some kind elsewhere. I find lightening a darkened soul profitable. And bringing joy where once was sorrow is an equally profitable endeavor.
Andy Have you considered changing robes, or have you and we mortals have been just too limited to recognize that you have?
The Old Man No. I like my old robe -- it defines who I am. Someone once said, "I wear the robe I forged in life." That sums it up fairly well. But the robe, which has long been my favorite, also serves to remind me constantly of my loss of long ago.
Andy Why do you seem to prefer transformations into nubile females over most others?
The Old Man Why not? The world can never be too short of beauty.
Andy Where do you get your stock?
The Old Man Here and there, hither and yon.

I went to Target last week and you wouldn't believe the remarkable things I found on sale there. The specialized "Magical Accoutrements" catalog at Sears used to provide a large portion of my stock, but the prices paid and the quality received has become diametrically opposed of late. The Web is also an excellent place, both for finding stock and providing clientele.

EDITOR'S NOTE: We at TSAT have also heard frequent complaints about the value and quality of arcane items from Sears and at this time must formally recommend against using them for such purposes.

Andy We understand that Spells 'R' Us is a franchise. Are you considering opening new stores in any special areas in the next few years?
The Old Man Perhaps. But I always do test marketing in any area first. The metaphysical toll of the transpatial, transtemporal, transdimensional shifting of my shop is nowhere near as high as opening a franchised store that won't be capable of interacting effectively with the area.

EDITOR'S NOTE: And all the above without benefit of a formal degree in business.

Andy How do you feel about competitors like the "Medallion of Zulo" or the "Master of Chaos Theory?" Do they interfere with, hurt, or help your business?
The Old Man Competition is good for the soul; I welcome them. At times, I'd like to destroy that accursed "Medallion of Zulo," but it's indestructible and I've already seen what can happen when someone tries to destroy it.
Andy Do you mind all these writers telling stories about you and if no, is there some way we can tell which are true?
The Old Man I don't mind at all. My life is but an open tome. Some of the stories are mere chronicles of what has passed. Others have not come to pass -- as yet. A few are out and out lies.

Can I tell them apart? Of course.

Can you tell them apart? Of course not -- unless you ask -- and depending on which author is telling my story when you ask, I may or may tell you the truth.

This interview was with the consent of the creator of the story universe. No writers, editors, or publishers were harmed or permanently transformed in the process of obtaining this interview. That means the old guy's approachable, so what are you waiting for?

[tsat home] [#8] [columns]